virgilsego

It's been seven months since I posted here last. I still post, but LiveJournal just hasn't been on the destination list for a bit. I still lurk and stalk occasionally but most, my online life has shifted to a faster pace.

The inclusion of the ability to post updates to FaceBook might help a little. We'll see.

So where to begin? Well, for those of you that don't know, I became a father again (and for the last time) on March 2nd, 2010. Erin and I welcome Cordelia Anderson Saint James to the world. If there is a more beautiful baby on the planet, I haven't see it yet.





In other news, the job going well, but I'm constantly slammed with work. To make it more fun, my other job piles up work faster than a serial killer at a Boy Scout Jamboree. It's fun an challenging, but it's also tiring. I have a couple of well-deserved "long weekends" coming this year.





Gothcoming is back again for our 6th year. It's really Victoria's party these days, but I still like be involved. Vic does such an awesome job, that I'm not really needed.

Either way, it's fun.

This year Gothcoming takes place at Skully's Music Diner on October 16th, 2010. Our theme colors are gun-metal blue and black, and the them is "Diesel Punk"

I really can't wait to see what everyone throws together. The best part about this party are the awesome costumes that people create.

Well, that's it for now. More later.

I've been very lax in posting here recently, but a lot has been going on. As most of you know by now, I'm gainfully employed again. The gain isn't much, but it helps a lot. The company is great. Basically we are the North American distributor for an ultrasonic bone cutting tool. One of my first jobs was redesigning the website. http://www.piezosurgery.us. I think it turned out pretty good. You can see the site it replaced at http://www.piezosurgery.us/oldwebroot/.

Erin is closing in on her third trimester and we are having a little girl.

I took Erin to Miami for Halloween. It was her first trip to Florida and she had a ball. It was wonderful sharing a little piece of my life with her.

I'm slowly getting things together but after the last couple of years, its going to be a huge undertaking.

Gothcoming 2k9 is a holiday party this year and we are holding it in December. After four years, it was starting to get stale and we needed a change. Victoria is handling most of it. I'm just the idea man, drunk on stage guy.

For more info about Gothcoming, check out http://www.gothcoming.com

I've been most active on FaceBook so if you have an account and we aren't already friends, you should add me. http://www.facebook.com/VirgilsEgo.

I'm going to try to be more active here again. Between facebook, twitter, loopt and everything else, keeping an online presence can almost be too much work. :)

That's it for now.

I am now officially Daniel Aloicious Saint James. I still have to get a new Social Security Card, Drivers License, etc. But it's been recognized by the court!

I'm really digging the new name.

Once I get around to getting my new ID, who wants to meet for drinks? I was thinking the "St James Tavern" on 4th? ehh ehh?

I may not get it until Monday. It depends on my schedule and such.

Anyway, that is all. :)

Apparently Erin is back in Columbus. My friend Victoria was throwing a birthday party for my friend Stephanie.

When I arrived, she had to duck out the back door.

Don't worry Erin. I don't want to talk to you. I have nothing to say to you. You are gone and I'm all right with that.

There will be no drama. I want you out of my life and I don't want you back.

I want nothing but the best for you and I apparently have no part in that. I'm all right with that.

You disconnected and I haven't tried to contact you in more than a week. I'm not going to. Live your life, be happy. That's all I ask.

Daniel

Impossible to tell if it's dusk or dawn
never ending grey monotony and ever present unchanging hills

Was that laughter you heard or just a trick of the wind
finding strength in the solitude, the fortitude to soldier on

shadows join the journey for a time
sometimes they linger but never become substantial

sometimes the shadows fade before they are even completely there

waiting for the sun to rise and burn away the mist
waiting for the cobwebs in your mind to clear, even if only for a moment

the breeze plays on your skin like the memory of the breath of a lover

are those memories that push us forward or just unfilled dreams that you long for

all that matters is that you've always walked the hills alone.
all that matters is that you will always walk the hills alone

each singular solitary destiny

to walk the hills alone

The days and nights are getting easier, but I'm still having trouble sleeping at night. I usually do when I've been depressed, but it gives me time to think. It gives me time to heal.

We don't fall in love with a person. We fall in love with the potential they represent. When relationships end, for whatever reason, we spend a lot of time being sad. We spend a lot of time being angry, but eventually our thoughts turn to hope.

I'm sitting here watching "Forrest Gump". Say what you will, but it's a sweet movie. It always tears me up a little bit. Ok, ok. A lot.

Anyway, the thought I'm trying to have here is that people will always come and go in our lives. There is always a time for mourning when they leave. We mourn the missed potential. We mourn the memories that we never got to create.

If we do it right, we learn from the experience. We grow.

We are here for a short time, so the decisions we make are important. Over the years, I've learned to be a good friend. More recently, I've learned to be a better father and hopefully a better partner.

I'm very lucky that I've perfected being a good friend. As a result, I have some of the best friends of my life.

Here's hoping that I'm around long enough to get the other stuff worked out.

I'm not reposting this because I'm feeling angsty. I just wanted to save this before Erin removed it. This is the last little bit of her that I have left and I'm not ready to give it away just yet.

I wish the words had meaning but I know now that they don't. It's ironic in some way's if you think about it.

===============

Many times over you asked me if I can be yours.

Your Partner,

Your life,

Your love,

Your all.

Many times over I said yes, giving you the words you wanted to hear.

Yet not meaning them.

I wanted to be yours for you, but not for me.

I wanted your love, but didn’t give you mine in return.

I locked myself up tight, not letting you in.

I took all you gave and threw it in your face.

And when I realized what I had lost,

I felt for the first time what you meant when you said

Be my partner,

Be my life,

Be your love,

Be your all.

Now with your forgiveness I can say the words back.

You have the right to not believe me.

You have the right to not trust me.

I lost that all when I betrayed you.

I need to say them,

To say them to you.

To tell you I want it.

For me,

For you,

For us,

For our children.

You are my partner,

You are my life,

You are my love.

And lastly…..

You are my all.



I lay it all before you, stripped bare, my heart in my hands in front of you,

Asking for you to take it and make me yours.



Your all.




Erin Afton Bean

All right gang, first things first. Thank you all for putting up with me this last month. It's been a rough ride. I'm done talking about things. I'm done venting. It's time to cauterize this open wound shut.

I have made some very important lifestyle decisions. I'm not going to be out terribly often, but I always welcome company. Come over, watch a movie, I'll cook dinner.

I just want friends near me for a while.

I am healing, it probably isn't terribly visible, but it is happening. I was terribly impressed with myself that I was getting through all the stages of grief so fast but as it turns out, I was just cycling through them.

I'm focusing on my company. Focusing on work and focusing on being healthy. I'm completely rebooting, but I think this will be a good thing.

So I recently got asked out. It was very sweet and charming. I'm not ready to start dating again but it's nice to know that people still want to.

It's funny. I really want what I thought I had found with Erin. Someone to stay in with. To share with. I know now that was only an illusion in my mind, but I think it's possible to obtain. I just have to be patient.

One of these days, I'll be ready to actually date again. Sex would be nice too, this has been the longest I've ever gone without it. Maybe that's good too.

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather,
And stars may collide
But I love you (I love you)
Until the end of time(until the end of time)

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, Oh I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day